THE EVENING SNAIL

Non-exclusive By Dr Dolittle

SOUTH Lakes Zoo in Dalton faces animal welfare and bullying allegations! Or so screamed a special investigation published online today (16th October) by the BBC.

The beeb’s Martin Lindsay, based a million miles away from Dalton in Durham, has spoken anonymously to SIX former zoo staff members who have allegedly shown him nearly SIXTY gruesome photographs and video nasties.

The zoo denies every word and locals will want the truth.

So thoughts inevitably turn to The Evening Snail; Barrow’s universally admired Pulitzer Prize-winning investigative behometh!

As the “local paper” to Dalton zoo, surely they ran this story months ago?

Not a bit of it, moans my grumpy ex-Sub Editor in Barrovia. He insists that not a word of this “has been in”.

Although a week ago, The Snail did manage to run a snuggly free PR piece for the zoo about it putting on a winter market complete with Santa’s grotto.

(No doubt in the hope of having the favour returned with some much-needed advertising revenue for Chrimbo?)

My bitter ex-boss also points out that if you go on to the “Dalton” section of The Snail’s website, you are at least taken to a prominent story about the zoo (see below).

“Zoo to REOPEN after day of drama“ says its lead story.

Trouble is, this story dates back to JUNE 2021.

Could this mean that the Dalton news section of The Snail’s website hasn’t been updated for THREE and A HALF YEARS?

No-one knows for sure, but don’t blame the poor “kids” working on the paper.

Blame the Scroogequest management.

It massacred the Mail’s workforce when it took over and top execs came up with the astonishingly stupid idea of strategically basing its reporters in, er, ~~Barrow, Kendal~~, ~~South Cumbria~~, then finally their bedrooms.

All to ~~save money~~ improve productivity!

My grumpy ex-Sub Editor reckons that he is now one of only a few hundred people left in Furness who bothers buying the paper version.

“Only for the laughs!” he quips.