Council Non-Jobs – thecumbriachronic.co.uk

CRUMBRIA: 26.3.2026

AS new Council Tax bills start landing with a thud, it’s worth remembering that local Town Hall bosses will cost £3.5m in salaries.

That’s the wage bill for just 29 top posts at Wokemoreland & Farcical Clowncil.

The ever-expanding empire now boasts three chief officers, seven directors and 19 assistant directors.

Some jobs are legally required. Others sound like they were invented over crackers and quinoa on a corporate away day.

They include:

Director of Enabler Services — £155,382
Director of Thriving Places — £155,382
Assistant Director of Inclusive and Green Growth — £109,400
Assistant Director of Safe and Strong Communities — £109,400
Assistant Director of Customer and Digital — £109,400
Assistant Director of Climate and Natural Environment — £90,788
Assistant Director of Community Infrastructure — £90,788

Some taking up jobs at the Lib Dem dictatorship even get paid a helpful “relocation” bonus of up to £8,000.

Allegedly, this is to attract the finest Town Hall talent to Westmorland & Furness!

Miranda Cannon, chief exec, Westmorland and Furness Council — **Miranda Cannon (Fodder)**

At the top of the pay scale is Wokemoreland Council’s new chief executive, Miranda Cannon (Fodder).

She banks £188,000 a year. That’s circa £9,000-a-month after tax going down the A590. She’s paid £21,000 a year more than Keirnocchio as PM.

It is also nearly EIGHT times the lowest paid member of Council staff. They’re expected to survive on £24,500.

This year the Council has decided to milk tourists by cranking up car parking charges 10% (expect more parking on roads, verges and your streets.)

Households will also be charged £60 to have their grass cuttings taken away, with only sticker-approved bins collected from the summer.

Councillors have been saying it faces “significant financial challenges” and needs to make more than £30m of savings.

Getting a grip on executive pay might be a good place to start.

Council comms gurus (Spin Doctors) have so far issued 94 press releases this year.

Not one statement to the media has revealed the silly salaries of their bosses.

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READ MORE: COUNCIL’S FESTIVAL OF WOKERY

READ MORE: COUNCIL’S LAME £165K EXCUSE

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