TEAM BARROW’S FORUM PANTO

CRUMBRIA: 13.7.2026

TEAM BARROW continues to play silly buggers with the public over a replacement for The Forum.

The flashy public-private partnership finally broke its silence today.

Its statement – breathlessly reported by impressionable hacks at the Evening Snail – says only that a replacement theatre: “Could be built”, not that it, “Will be built.”

Panto season is back at The Forum!

Oh yes it could be built. Oh no, it couldn’t!

Today’s statement is typical of the Whitehall double-speak sweated over by behind-the-scenes Spin Doctors.

It creates the impression of a firm breakthrough having been made without actually ever committing “Team Barrow” to delivering a theatre, a budget, a site or a frigging timetable.

What has really been announced is that “Team Barrow” will have a think about whether a replacement theatre can be squeezed out of the £200m it has to chuck around town.

The site of a replacement theatre, the size, the price, the timetable, and WHO runs it, all remain missing in action from its urgent media statement.

What is a replacement theatre, anyway? Some Herbert with glove puppets and a stall outside the Town Hall?

Simon Case, head of “Team Barrow” and the town’s Offcomer-in-Chief, also pontificated about “shared ambition” for a new theatre.

Ambitions frequently come to nothing in life, as Mr Case will know only too well having found himself at the arse end of the A590 when he was once Billy Big Bollocks under Boris Johnson in Number 10 Clowning Street.

With Barrovians recently reaching for the pitchforks over what follows The Forum – you also have to ask why it has taken “Team Barrow” so long to pull their finger out.

The Chronic has finally found something in Barrovia slower than the Evening Snail: “Team Barrow”.

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