FIVE OF THE BEST PLACES NOT TO BUY THE EVENING SNAIL

Exclusive by Dan Daniels-Dandyman

AFTER an exhaustive four-minute scroll on the internet in our dressing gowns, The Evening Snail can exclusively reveal our exclusive Top 10 list of Where Not To Buy The Evening Snail this week – as exclusively chosen by us looking exclusively online for exclusive local news.

1: The Newsagents: Google reviewers state that Barrow’s best-ever newsagents is on Barf Street, where you can be sure to pick up a copy of (Sorry, this shop closed down four years ago – Ed)

2: Supermarket: Tripadvisor recently named Asda supermarket in Barrow as Barrow’s Best Supermarket Starting With An A. So why not bod on over to the cigarette counter and sneakily read the front page without paying for it?

3: Corner Shop: When you’re bodding through draughty Wortland Pork – recently featured on Tik-Tok as Barrow’s Windiest Ever Wind Tunnel – why not bod on over to (Sorry, this unit has been converted into a Ganja Grow Shop/Money Laundering Front/Eyelash Emporium – Ed)

4: Petrol Station: Why not bod on down to Barrow’s Bestest of all Time Best Petrol Stations, as voted for by a tiny unrepresentative sample of Instagram scrollers. (Sorry, this petrol station has been flattened to make way for a massive HOMO (House of Multiple Occupation – Ed)

5: Wheelie Bin: The next time you’re bodding on down the backstreets of Barrow, why not bod over to Barrow’s Best Ever Wheelie Bin – as chosen by YouTube explorers? Visitors to the award-winning bin, say that you’re sure to find a fresh copy of Barrow’s bestest local (That’s enough lists – Ed)