TOSH TALKS BUT LABOUR BAULKS?

CRUMBRIA: 10.3.2026

THE world’s greatest living politician, Labour MP Josh MacAlister, boasted last week that “action is under way” to protect kids from online harm.

In his column in local Labour fanzine, the Times & Starmer, wonderboy insisted that the Government is “committed to action” on things like a ban on social media for U16s.

“Techology evolves rapidly,” he intoned in his weekly column.

“The law must be able to keep pace.”

“Tosh”, the MP for Whitehaven & Wokeington, has been banging on about this issue since his grossly over-publicised “Safer Phones Bill” short circuited in Parliament in March 2025.

*Ashen-faced Josh as his bill went out with a whimper.*

So a year on, what bold new action has his Government unleashed?

Er, it’s just announced a consultation that drags the issue out until the end of May 2026!

And only this week, Labour MPs voted DOWN firing the starting pistol on a total social media ban for under-16s.

293 of the 307 voting it down were Labour MPs!

So Labour’s official position appears to be: yes, possibly, eventually, maybe — after the paperwork.

They had been urged to reject by Labour MP and junior Education minister, Olivia Bailey.

The official excuse is that the Government wants to wait for the consultation results. In other words, a slow regulatory plod.

Bailey (below) is one of Josh’s closest colleagues in the Department for Education.

Did Josh get wind that she was going to urge Labour MPs to reject a so-called “immediate ban,” so he used last week’s column to wax lyrical about the many wonders of consultation?

Another theory why Labour balked at getting the ball rolling on a ban this week is that the suggestion was tabled by a Tory peer.

Voting for it would have involved the unbearable humiliation of Labour MPs having to agree with, er, the wrong sort of politician.

This was exactly the accusation levelled at them by Tory MP, Laura Trott.

She told the debate that the current Government does its upmost to oppose anything that they did not come up with.

“Not on merit, but because they have retreated into a tribal bunker,” she said, where only Labour-approved ideas are permitted.

Bullseye.

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