WHAT THE PAPERS (DIDN’T) SAY!

CRUMBRIA: 14.3.2026

A NEW weekly round-up of some of the political stories that Cumbria’s local rags ran, or more importantly, did not!

With the flattening of The Forum and the Market Hall now being lined up by Lib Dem councillors based 30-odd miles away, the democratic deficit that Barrow taxpayers are expected to grin and bear has rarely been more obvious.

And how did The Snail seize this golden opportunity to expose it? By reproducing the Council’s entire press release so faithfully it almost had staples in it.

The Council’s press release, of course, presented the wrecking ball as a civic blessing.

The Snail’s so-called “story” was 70% Council spiel and 30% light editorial dusting.

The only real mystery is why the Council press officer who wrote it didn’t get a byline.

THE SNAIL VERSION: ‘Key decisions’ to be made on Heart of Barrow project

THE COUNCIL VERSION: Key decisions to be made on Barrow town centre transformation

THE CHRONIC VERSION: Lib Dems to flatten The Forum!

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The Bermuda Triangle phenomenon that causes awkward Labour stories to disappear from the local fanzine was working overtime this week.

The new-look ‘newspaper’ (which looks exactly like the old paper) did not trouble readers with the slow-motion accountancy shambles still unfolding at Crumberland Council, despite the story being available to it from its parent newspaper in Carlisle.

Also missing from the Times & Starmer this week was last week’s lively Council meeting at which Labour Council leaders – local to West Cumbria – were heckled by members of the public about turning Crumberland into an area of “Sanctuary” for our beloved bearded brethren off the boats.

***Photo in this week’s Times & Starmer***

Then there was the awkward matter of two West Cumbria MPs — Tosh MacAlister (above) and Martyr Campbell-Savours — going unexpectedly quiet about the Soviet-style methods of the Labour think tank that helped finance their 2024 election campaigns, and assisted Keirnocchio’s slither into Number 10.

Not a line of the “Labour Together” scandal appeared in this week’s Times & Starmer, even though sister paper the Fighthaven News (below) managed to find room for it online, where it was tucked safely behind a paywall!

***Click to not read as it’s behind a paywall!***

Some editions of the T&S did, however, splash on “Labour MPs ‘barred’ from pub”.

However, under what must have been a very intense line of questioning from the Times & Starmer, the landlord buckled and admitted that no Labour MP’s were, in fact, barred, and especially not local MP, Tosh MacAlister.

(This was once known in the newspaper trade as a total non-story.)

TIMES & STARMER: Owner of Workington pub in industry help call.

THE CHRONIC: Labour four duck donor smear scandal

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HAVING already forgotten the 25th anniversary of foot-and-mouth disease, the weakly Penrith snoozepaper, also feels no shame about slapping lightly sugared political press releases across its front page.

So this week, readers are invited to part with £1.90 for what is basically a Press Release issued on March 6 about Penrith Labour MP Martyr Campbell-Savours, making a triumphant return to the party after his one-man farm tax rebellion.

**Eight days after it was news, it makes page one of The Imperilled!**

This well-publicised “story” had already appeared in full, eight days earlier, on The Imperilled’s considerably more proactive sister website, Cumbria Slack, as well as ITV Boredom, BBC Radio Dumbria and assorted Scroogequest titles.

Given a full week to improve on that, the Penrith weakly declined to perform the small basic task of journalism – namely, having a look back to some of Martyr’s support for the Labour budget that contained the farm tax grab.

Nor did The Imperilled find room for the mildly relevant fact that Martyr’s victorious 2024 election campaign was part-funded by the disgraced Labour Together think tank. An outfit which has hit the national headlines for all the wrong reasons – going after critical journalists being one of them!

There was, however, plenty of space for another Labour MP puff-piece — again supplied by his own people — about the boy wonder holding a meeting about “ongoing staffing issues” at a local hospital.

In short, £1.90 now buys you not journalism, but a slightly delayed print-out of Labour’s own paperwork!

**The Imperilled – Yesterday’s News, Possibly Next Week!**

THE CHRONIC: Markus The Martyr Returns!

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***Fallen giant – thanks to Scroogequest!***

The fallen giant of Cumbrian newspapers also treated Martyr Campbell-Savours’s return as one of those miraculous events best admired without asking too many questions.

His official press release was accompanied in this week’s paper by Carlisle MP, Julie Minns, who was handed a full page lead on the strength of announcing that “Cumbria is a great place to work”.

***Julie Minns pictured in Cumbria – shocker!***

Given that the amount of time London-loving ‘Joolz’ allegedly doesn’t spend in Carlisle has been the subject of repeated online speculation, it was a bold claim for the former newspaper to be making.

Also absent from this week’s Crumbling News was the News & Shrug’s lamentable effort on Crumberland Council’s accountancy woes.

In fairness, the N&S effort was so thinly investigated and badly explained, that leaving it out all together may have been the paper’s soundest editorial judgement all week.

Never mind. You can read our version in the Town Hall Tapes #3. Link below