CRUMBRIA: 10.4.2026
THE overpowering whiff of old news emanates from an alleged Crumbrian newspaper today.
The Crumbling News, Carlisle, a shadow of its former shadow, leads with what looks and reads like a breathless piece of promotional publicity for David Allen, the county’s Labour police and crime commissioner, and wannabe Mayor of Cumbria.
The newspaper’s faintly Orwellian splash basically amounts to our brilliant policing supremo announcing the intention of officers to observe offences in crystal-clear HD.
But not all of it was entirely exclusive. Very similar-sounding material has previously been in the public domain.
As far back as, er, October 2024, Penrith-based news site and press release aggregator Cumbria Slack had reported the force’s AI CCTV.
And on 17 December 2024, online mag, Policing Insight (below), was also praising the same technology in Cumbria.
So this week’s thundering “exclusive” in The Crumbling News looked more like a fresh dig of the back patio in the hope of finding new bones.
Better still, ‘crime tzar’ Mr Allen – paid £68,000-a-year and elected on a pitiful 21% turnout, deflated some of the excitement on the inside page.
In small Cumbrian towns, he told readers: “It’s usually locals that are causing the disturbance and the anti-social behaviour.”
By speaking to local residents, police can often work out who the crims are without any need for all the hi-tech kit, he explained!
The newspaper didn’t allow this anti-climactic admission to piss on their chips and dragged out its world beating spectacular to fill up page five.
Despite this, there were a number of basic questions Churnalists forgot to ask.
Such as: how many rapid deployment cameras has Crumbria actually got to deploy?
And don’t they just move the problem on to the next street once the scroats-in-tracksuits get wind of them?
And of arguably more concern right now is the Government’s plans for policing.
Political opponents claim Cumbria Police is at risk of a merger with another force.
About this, the Carlisle “newspaper” sought no update from Labour’s man-in-the-know.
From one side of her mouth, the Home Secretary’s official line is that there are “no planned mergers”.
From the other side she confirmed that there is a review under way into the “right number of regional forces”.
So the denial comes with the usual massive get-out clause from Whitehall!
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CATCH UP: BIG BACKLASH TO LABOUR MAYOR!
CATCH UP: LABOUR BATMAN HIRES ROBIN!
CATCH UP: CUMBRIA COPS EYE THE EXITS
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