CUMBRIA PAPER’S WALES STAFF

ANOTHER bollock was dropped in The Crumbling News which is now run (into the ground) by Scroogequest – the finest newspaper company in the whole wide world!

In its most recent January 3rd edition, the Carlisle weekly ran a shocky horror story on page 17 about the UK’s “most dangerous” roads.

In what is not news at all ever to anyone in Cumbria, Hardknott Pass and Kirkstone Pass were on the danger list.

To illustrate the article, the paper used a photograph of a snowy Lake District road. Mysteriously, it did not carry a caption.

Checks suggest that elsewhere online, the Getty Images photo used is captioned Newlands Pass in the Lake District (which was not on the list of danger roads).

The intro to the article went on to over-confidently assert that: “The United Kingdom is a very small island.”

Great Britain, which forms the bulk of the UK, is considered by the Encyclopaedia Britannica as the 9th largest island in the world.

The festering bones of this article come from a Press Release issued by a firm of personal injury solicitors looking for free editorial.

(It sent out this press release a mere six months ago but only now has it been used as news in Crumbria!)

Due to last weekend’s weather forecast, it was presumably dug out of the freezer and “defrosted” by The Crumbing News, which also published it online back on 21st December.

The earth-shattering article was cobbled together by Scroogequest’s loftily-titled “Senior Trending News Reporter”.

He is listed as a staff member of the News & Star and modestly mentions his “First-Class bachelor’s degree in journalism”.

Yet all online addresses point to the fact that he is based in, er, North Wales, not North Cumbria.

Recently, our SEO boyo was eagerly sharing news of Cruella Braverman’s tenuous grip on world geography.

Every fortnight or so, The Cumberland News runs a large half-page “house advert”.

In it, the paper’s Editor assures readers that Newsquest invests in “investigative journalism” and that it leads the way with “quality coverage”.

Yaki dah to that!

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