COUNCIL’S FRESH CASH SPLASH

AS is always the case in the Public Sector, the inevitable solution to problems is to spray ever greater sums of taxpayers’ money around trying to solve them!

External Auditors, now acting as troubleshooters at Crumberland Council, have made it clear in a series of unambiguous directives that to clear the reek of rotting accounts, the Labour-daft authority needs to hire more finance personnel – and quick.

As a result, a desperate recruitment drive is underway to the Council’s cross-eyed Finance Team. (It’s them we feel sorry for).

The mounting bill alone for this rolling and never-ending advice from the fee-charging External Auditors will almost certainly cause eyeballs to spontaneously pop out of their sockets.

The Council needs, it says in Town Hall speak, to “develop the capability” within its finance team…

It’s not just new arses in chairs that the Council needs but high-up staff who, er, ACTUALLY know their way out of this rat’s nest.

How many nerve-shattered bean-counters has the Council lost?

Some will inevitably have concluded “I’m too old for this shit” or gone off on the sick rather than be buried under this ton of bricks.

Local Government Health Warning: Working in sums could seriously DAMAGE your mental health.

But where will all these new and incoming problem solvers be magically conjured from?

A year ago there were dire warnings of a NATIONAL shortage of Audit staff.

One reason is because of how ridiculously complex public finance rules are.

(How uniquely Local Government…design a system so unfathomable that people don’t want to work for their local Clown Hall.)

All of these factors presumably mean that any new finance recruits to the Council are holding all the aces.

Some may well decide that it’s worth testing the Council’s “grading structure” by naming their price when they sit down to discuss salaries, pensions, holidays, and opportunities for “shirking from home”.

This accountancy mess was not entirely avoidable as it’s happening at Councils all over the country. But could it have been better mitigated here with some political foresight and director-level leadership?

High-ranking Councillors and top officers at Crumberland participated in a year-long “grace period” between April 2022 to Mar 2023 as a “Shadow Authority”.

The idea, presumably, is to kick the tyres of Local Government Disorganisation and smoothly shepherd in the new arrangements.

Wasn’t this accountancy iceberg ever spotted on the horizon, and what should happen to Captains who don’t spot icebergs?

Irony upon irony, the coming week sees Crumberland Council “celebrate” a birthday as it turns two years old on Tuesday.

(Don’t all break out the Bolly at once!)

The very next day a Special Meeting of the full Council has been convened to discuss the External Auditors’ distinctly unimpressed assessment of matters and their rather pressing recommendations for the looming financial year.

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