OFF THE RECORD: GORDON NORMAN

CRUMBRIA: 4.03.2026: COLUMN #2

Writing a new column exclusively for The Cumbria Chronic, fearless council reporter Gordon Norman scythes through Local Government spin – taking no prisoners in pursuit of truth and accountability.

Following previous correspondence, his coverage is confined strictly to what was said in the meeting, which helps keep things nice and tidy.

Exclusive by Gordon Norman

It was a big council meeting this week, so I spent a lot of time thinking about asking a killer question, although I wasn’t really sure what about.

Instead of asking one, I thought about not asking one, and that seemed the safest option all round to tell you the truth.

Why complicate matters, eh?

At the Council meeting, the Cabinet Member for Fiscal Emergencies spoke at some length about a load of figures that are “important”, according to her.

In my notepad, I wrote:

COUNCIL A WEEK FROM BANKRUPTCY.

But all the councillors on her side seemed totally fine with what she was saying, from where I was sitting at least, so I may not have that completely right.

To be honest, it sounds like the Council has got everything in hand anyway, so I’m sure it’s nothing to get aerated about.

At one point, she made a passing reference to the Tories, so I made a note of that.

Opposition councillor, Martin Keen, who’s on crutches now for some reason after last week’s accidental collision of foreheads with the Council leader, said he wanted the meeting extended to discuss the figures in more detail.

But the Cabinet Member for Fiscal Emergencies reckons that the remaining figures that haven’t been addressed will be addressed at another meeting sometime in due course, which sounds about right to me, anyway.

And to be honest, I didn’t think it was necessary to go to the far end of a fart about it all when we’re so close to finishing for lunch. As everyone was getting ready to leave, Cllr Keen beckoned me over by waving his crutch at me.

I just avoided his gaze and made a run for the door. In this game, you’ve got to be first out of there, or all the sausage rolls are cold.

Anyway, I didn’t fancy hanging around listening to everyone banging on about potentially losing their jobs.

After lunch, Newsdesk messaged asking what story I’d got from the meeting. I explained what had been said and said I was thinking of doing something along the lines of.

COUNCIL RECKONS FINANCES ARE FINE

They came back with a suggestion of their own.

LABOUR COUNCIL BRAVELY DEALS WITH CRUEL TORY CUTS??

They were basically asking if we could get away with that as the headline, but I didn’t reply. To be honest, I didn’t think it was the appropriate forum with Bargain Hunt on.

Later on, I messaged my council contact – Sore Throat – with an urgent question.

I asked if the Council could turn the fan off where the Press sit next time, because it’s just really distracting and unprofessional when it’s whirring away during the meeting, and you’re trying to sleep.

She said she would look into it on my behalf, so I made a note that I must chase her up about it next week as a priority.

I sent my story over to Newsdesk and then sent another message to Sore Throat. Basically, I explained I was just messaging her again, just so that she knows that I don’t write the headlines and have nothing at all to do with them and never have.

Like I said to her, I just attend the meetings and record exactly what everyone says, exactly as they say it – no questions.

Anyway, I passed on all the numbers that I’ve got for Newsdesk, just in case she has any issues that she might want to raise tomorrow when she sees the paper. I’ll be up to the gills in planning applications by then and not available.

She replied to say thanks. She said if the Council still exists by this time next week, and she’s sure it probably will, there might be another big meeting about it all that I’m welcome to go along to.

I said I’m sure they’ll have it under control by then; they usually do. I said I might have a wander along to it, providing I haven’t got any urgent planning briefs to do, but I wasn’t making promises.