By Neena Ninaw
NO tributes have been paid to a political party found murdered today.
Limbs belonging to the Conservative Party were discovered at several different polling stations in a political-style ‘execution’.
The party suffered serious injuries sometime between 10am and 10pm on 2nd May, said officers guarding taped-off ballot boxes.
They would not be drawn on reports that the murder weapon was a sharp object, such as a pencil or a pen.
They also refused to address rumours that Xs had been left on its body.
An autopsy confirmed the party had previously suffered several ‘unsurvivable’ self-inflicted injuries.
Roy Winston, an underworld crime figure, said: “It had been sharting its maaf awf far too long, gel, and finally got wot was cammin to it.”
The party originally went missing following a ‘social gathering’ in Downing Street in December 2020.
Worried appeals had been made for the lost soul to return home.
Several million suspects could have been involved in the killing but police are yet to rule out an ‘inside job’.
Anyone with information should dial the 1922 committee.
Alternatively, call 101 for your local ‘pop-up’ copper and die of old age.
thecumbriachronic.co.uk 
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