Cumbria NHS – thecumbriachronic.co.uk

CRUMBRIA: 15.09.2025: EXCLUSIVE

THE NHS is apparently coughing up more than £63 MILLION a year providing translation and interpretation services for patients who donna speaka da English.

While you die of old age on the phone trying to secure a nine-second appointment seven weeks in the future, interpreters are being laid on to ensure that our strapping and heavily-bearded sailing enthusiasts aren’t suffering from a tickly cough.

It’s enough to make your Earl Grey boil.

We learn from The Torygraph that here in Crumbria, MORE THAN £7,000 a week is being spent on translation and interpretation services.

The Chronic is painfully reminded of falling ill on a foreign holiday without insurance and having to delve into the back sky rocket to get back on the mend.

Sympathy from doctors? There came none.

Only a bill.

While £7,000 a week equates to shrapnel down the back of the sofa compared to overall NHS budgets, the next time elections roll around, don’t let any twitchy-eyed left-footer con you into thinking the NHS is short of brass and needs “saving”.

’Tis little wonder that thousands of doctors, engineers and astronauts are traipse-arsing through safe countries and donning the life-preservers to make a bid for Blighty’s shingle.

May we posit the notion that in the dunes of Calais, there are two English words impeccably understood: FREE NHS!

Here’s the local sums:

Crumbria, Northumberland and Tyne & Wear spending on translation and interpreters is UP 164% to £368,300.

University Hospitals of Morecambe Bay (Dis)Trust spending on translation and interpretation is UP 31% to £45,646.

North Crumbria Disintegrating Care Trust spending on translation and interpreters is DOWN 28% to £52,543.

Apparently, the paper says that NHS Daleks have told frontline staff not to use Google Translate to save money because it’s “unsafe” due to the potential for misinterpretation.

And don’t expect to read these figures in any of our media here in Crumbria.

They’re more likely to be writing about the top 10 places on TripAdvisor to get a bacon sandwich.

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