Sam Plum – thecumbriachronic.co.uk

CRUMBRIA: 11.09.2025

HOW much taxpayers’ money is being spaffed by Wokemoreland & Farcical Council as it seeks to fill the floralled Doc Martens of departing chief exec Sam Plum (Job)?

It’s a question our alleged local media have so far failed to ask.

The Chronic can reveal that the tax-raising Clowncil has called in out-of-county executive recruitment experts Starfish, with offices in London and Leeds, to scour the country for what it laughingly calls “human talent”.

(You can bet whoever the candidate is will be about as human as Robocop.)

Elsewhere in the country, where there are still functioning journalists and newspapers, Starfish have raised eyebrows over the huge wads of cash councils hand over for their services.

In December last year, Starfish pocketed £37,736 from Cheshire East Council for finding it a new chief executive.

You can bet your left bollock the free-spending Lib Dems in charge of Wokemoreland Clowncil will be coughing up similar sums.

Eight directors sit directly below Ms Plum, and it remains to be seen whether any of them throws their rainbow lanyards into the ring for the £188,000-a-year post.

If one of them does — and is successful — the recruitment company still collects.

Nice guy Lib Dem council leader Jonathan Brook has even been wheeled out to make a “recruitment video” in the hope of luring someone to Barrow.

Setting YouTube ablaze, it’s had, er, 68 views in three weeks.

Taxpayers may well wonder whether this piece of online genius is included in the price.