CRUMBRIA: 22/08/2025
TANKING Carlisle tabloid the News & Shrug, will gaslight its readers tomorrow.
It plans to run a story proclaiming: ZERO ASYLUM SEEKERS IN HOTELS!
“No asylum seekers are housed in hotels in the Cumberland area,” the opening paragraph declares.
Then comes the qualifier. This was true in March and June.
Which neatly leaves April, May, July and August pissing in the wind with no explanation!
Undeterred, our Pulitzer Prize finalist presses on.
A council spokeswoman, readers are told, has confirmed that the figures are correct and that there were zero asylum seekers housed in the council area.
Next paragraph: “According to the latest figures, there are 455 asylum seekers in the council area.”
That’s four paragraphs. Four claims, and all of them are incompatible with each other!
- No asylum seekers in hotels.
- None in March and June.
- None housed in Cumberland at all.
- There are 455 asylum seekers in Cumberland.
You can’t have all four!
A brighter reporter might have asked a follow-up question. For example: where are these 455 people actually living?
HMOs, council housing, private lets, or non-operational hotels?
Instead, the paper fixated on hotels to the exclusion of every other possibility, because hotels happen to be this week’s news hook.
Then came the punchline.
Quoted, darkly, from an unnamed council spokeswoman:
“At this stage, we’re not in a position to provide a comment on this matter.”
On the most contested political issue in the country.
The alleged newspaper offered no pushback. They just printed it and moved on.
With the Labour-daft council’s blessing and encouragement, Carlisle’s “Sanctuary City” plans have been edging forward for some time.
Not that the News & Shrug has yet to rigorously investigate what Sanctuary City status actually means.
It really is time that some Churnalists were forced back to the classroom and required to resit their proficiency test.
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