CRUMBRIA: 9.03.2025
HAS the ego finally landed for West Cumbrian Labour MP, Josh MacAlister, aka the world’s greatest ever living politician?
The Whitehaven & Wokeington MP had the grin wiped off his face in the House of Commons on Friday as he presented his grossly over-promoted Safer Phones Bill.
Turns out Josh’s legislation is a dead duck!
The new law would have seen kids not allowed on social media until they were 16, and a total ban on smartphones in schools. (Yeah, like that was ever going to happen!)
After soaking up loads of self-publicity in advance, shadowy Government figures behind the scenes then put massive red lines through all of Tosh’s homework – leaving his big day in the Parliament spotlight a toe-curling cringe-a-thon.
During the debate, the ambitious MP (left) had to watch on stony-faced as various members stood up in the House and asked what the hell had happened to his original Bill?
It was variously described as a “Hollowed out gesture…a shell of what it might have been… shadow of its former self…thinner than what was envisaged…and a huge missed opportunity.”
Critics included Tory MP Sir Ashley Fox, who seemed to imply that Josh had wasted a shitload of the House’s time by bragging about the Bill everywhere without securing the vital support he needed from his own Government to get it through.
Sir Fox told Josh: “The sad truth is that this Bill achieves precisely nothing, and the hon Member for Whitehaven and Workington should be a little bit ashamed of having campaigned so vigorously and then presented this Bill.”
Welcome to Big School!
Afterwards, even sensitive local readers of the News & Scar piled in – calling it: “A stupid idea from one of the worst Governments ever” with his legislation branded an “Empty husk”.
“Wet lettuce. Campaigned vigorously, delivered nothing,” wrote one.
People can be cruel but given Tosh’s blaze of self-publicity to promote his Bill, many in modest West Cumbria where you absolutely don’t show off, have long waited for him to be taken down a peg or two.
We look forward to reading how this political disaster is somehow spun into good news by local Labour fanzine, the Times & Starmer, or will it be quietly disposed of and never be heard of again?
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thecumbriachronic.co.uk 
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