CRUMBRIA: 6.1.2025
ANOTHER bollock was dropped in The Crumbling News which is now run into the ground by Scroogequest – the finest newspaper company in the whole world!
In its most recent January 3rd edition, the Carlisle weekly ran a shocky horror story on page 17 about the UK’s “most dangerous” roads.
Hardknott Pass and Kirkstone Pass were inevitably on the “danger” list.
To illustrate the article, the paper used a photograph of a snowy Lake District road.
Mysteriously, it did not carry a caption.
The Getty Images photo is Newlands Pass – a different pass altogether and NOT on the list of “danger” roads.
The intro to the article went on, unbelievably, to over-confidently assert that: “The United Kingdom is a very small island.”
Great Britain, which forms the bulk of the UK, is considered by the Encyclopaedia Britannica as the 9th largest island in the world.
The bones of this scare story come from a Press Release issued by a firm of personal injury solicitors looking for free editorial.
(It sent out this information a mere six months ago but only now has it been used as news in Crumbria!)
Due to last weekend’s weather forecast, it was dug out of the freezer and “defrosted” by The Crumbing News, which also published it online back on 21st December.
The earth-shattering article was cobbled together by Scroogequest’s loftily-titled “Senior Trending News Reporter”.
He is listed as a staff member of the News & Star, Carlisle, and modestly mentions his “First-Class bachelor’s degree in journalism”.
Yet he is based in, er, North Wales, not North Cumbria.
No wonder he doesn’t know his pass from his elbow.
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