CRUMBRIA: 23/04/2025
IN a shocking development that surprised absolutely no one, Cumbria’s MPs have bravely accepted a tear-jerking 2.8% pay rise from April 1st – a date famed in politics for its rich symbolism.
The Independent Parliamentary Standards Authority (IPSA) – a talking shop specifically designed to take the flak for MPs being paid more than they’re worth – has jacked up their salaries this month to a modest £93,904 a year.
After tax, it means our MPs pocket around £5,300 a month.
It’s a small boost for those struggling to keep two homes going while standing up for working people.
In a rare outbreak of journalism, the Evening Snail went to Barrow’s Labour MP for a comment!
Michelle Scrogerm, a noted expert in passing the buck, told the “newspaper” that she bravely accepted the pay rise that she can’t do anything about.
Given that the average income in Barrow is circa £25,000 a year if you don’t work in the Yard, The Snail might have asked ‘Scrogerm’ whether she thinks she’s worth nearly FOUR times the median household income of the plebs she so superbly represents?
The paper didn’t.
Journalism Outbreak Quelled!
“MPs get absolutely no say in their pay,” Scrogerm humphed moodily.
(You could almost see the red mist rising from her own Press Statement.)
‘Scrogerm’ thundered to The Snail that the process to set pay for MPs is transparent.
“It is important that those decisions are transparent and open to scrutiny,” Are Shell mithered.
She has the Chronic’s sincere sympathy in dealing with this terrible turn of pay slip events.
Few can understand how awful it must be when you are tragically unable to stop a salary increase – especially when it runs contrary to all of your deep concerns for public sector restraint.
IPSA is described as an “Independent body”.
That sounds suspiciously like: “Someone appointed by MPs to answer all the awkward questions about their pay.”
Before further MP pay rises in April next year, the public has been promised a consultation – that famous political ritual where EVERYONE feels heard but NOTHING changes.
That’ll give MPs plenty of time to remind constituents they’re very good at attending coffee mornings, appearing in hi-vis jackets, and not answering emails.
More on this as we don’t get it.
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thecumbriachronic.co.uk 
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