PAPER WEEPS FOR DEAD COUNCIL

CRUMBRIA: 13.6.2026

THREE long years after everyone else twigged, sleepy Penrith snoozepaper The Slumberland & Westmorland Imperilled has finally woken up to the idea that the bonfire of the councils in Crumbria may not have been the best thing since toasted ciabatta.

With the Lib Dem dictatorship on Wokemoreland & Farcical Council now facing a £40 million extinction-level asteroid, this week the alleged former newspaper was found gnashing its teeth about the glory days of Eden District Council.

Eden, let us remember, was run for years by Tories with cow-strangling forearms who devised grandiose and madcap schemes like bankrolling their own housing company with public dosh and concreting over Penrith’s major landmark with mansions.

You know solids are about to hit the extractor at W&F when the Penrith Herald is getting misty-eyed about the council which it used to read the Riot Act to every week on page one.

The stark financial situ facing the new Franken-council — grotesquely stitched together from the corpses of Eden, Barrow Borough Council and South Lakeland District Council — was “grim,” wrote the Editorette this week, in another stating-the-obvious special.

This is touching given that the weakly paper has spent much of the authority’s short life behaving less like a snarling watchdog and more like its most devoted therapy puppy.

“There will be more pain to come — not least for the council’s employees, with staff rationalisation on the cards,” opined our No Shit Sherlock correspondent with another unmissable contribution.

The Herald’s comment section — notable only for its poorly informed opinions — continued: “The merger of Cumbria’s six district councils to form two huge unitary councils was aimed at creating greater efficiency.

“Looking back it’s worth noting that at the time this happened, Eden District Council was proudly debt free…”

Bring back Eden District Council, at least it knew where Penrith was?

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