CRUMBRIA: 13.7.2026
SACRE BLEU?!
Idle gossip reaches the Chronic that two senior Labour councillors on cash-strapped Crumberland Council may have been urgently required in, er, the South of France.
The Tour de France, of course, is coming to Crumbria next year.
What better way to prepare than by dispatching two of our finest Town Hall brains for some entirely unavoidable fact-finding fun in the land of frog’s legs and vino?
We’re confident that if true, our due diligence duo were strong-armed into this mission by exceptional strategic necessity.
We just hope that every garlic-infused baguette was studied for its economic impact and any bottles of plonk were inspected for their inward-investment potential.
As all five readers of the Chronic will know, we are not a trusted or approved source of local journalism, so we must stand aside and leave this matter to the Professionals.
We await the arrival on the scene of our fearless local media industry — the News & Shrug, the Times & Starmer and CBBC Radio Dumbriashire — to clear up this rumour on behalf of Taxpayers.
Only when the county’s best investigative ‘gerbilists’ have kicked every tyre will we be spared the pitiful whining from ill-informed commentators on Facebook putting deux and deux together and making cinq.
For the record, the Tour spent the past week winding through the Pyrenees and the sun-drenched vineyards of south-west France.
We are more than confident that, if our two Councillors went, they will have taken only the shortest of brakes, spoke to all the right schmoozers and followed every available chain of enquiry.
Otherwise, next year’s Crumbrian stage could quite easily end up tear-arsing down a pot-hole ridden back road near Cleator Moor.
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