CRUMBRIA: 10.7.2026
FIRE up the bio-ethanol brazier, comrades, and dust off the old donkey jacket.
Things could be about to go from bad to worse to WALKOUT at your local Clowncil.
Staff at Wokemoreland and Crumberland who belong to the Unite union are being balloted on whether to STRIKE.
They’re not enamoured by a national 3.3% pay offer.
The union — so far off to the Left that it needs a special box to itself like the Shetland Islands — earned the Chronic’s respect by recently describing Keirnocchio’s Government as “devoid of purpose”.
It’s called the 3.3% offer “another real-terms pay cut”.
The dispute could involve bin collectors, street cleaners, street-lighting staff, teaching assistants and home-care workers.
It’s as blatant as balls on a bull terrier that these are the staff doing the real graft — not the top tier who long ago spotted local government as a fast track to discreet self-enrichment.
Not everyone supports Council staff stamping their sandals for a few extra roubles.
But one enlightened soul told the comments section of Penrith Town News: “At least they are the ones that do the work and not them that sit in their office and do absolutely nothing.”
Hear, hear.
As a card-carrying member of the National Amalgamated Union of Husbands Given Untold Shit Domestic Jobs, the Chronic’s never had a problem with Council front-liners.
It’s the political leaders pushing crackpot agendas on us — and the secretive bureaucrats who specialise in pouring public money down every available drain — who could do with a pay cut.
Preferably a permanent one.
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Crumberland’s employee costs were £319m in March 2025. Wokemoreland’s last year were £243m. This include wages, pensions and National Insurance and all the usual etcetera, etcetera.
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