REFORM RESULT ROCKS BARROW!

CRUMBRIA: 05.06.2026

ELECTORAL solids hit the extractor overnight in the former Labour-stronghold of the People’s Republik of Barrovia.

Reform UK candidate Hazel Edwards, a former Barrow Mayor, cleaned up in yesterday’s by-election.

She returns to local politics after decades away by becoming the party’s first-ever member of Wokemoreland & Farcical Clowncil.

A number of Kendal-based ‘Gliberal Democrats‘ will no doubt be crying into their gluten-free Alpen this morning.

The one-party state running the Council circus limped home with just 2.9% of the vote (a “piss poor” 69 votes) — once again underlining their stunning popularity in the mean streets of Barrovia.

It just goes to show that demolishing The Forum and Barrow Market with no replacement guaranteed, is hardly a vote winner.

Hazel won the Hawcoat and Newbarns seat on the Council with 1,139 votes — more than 500 votes ahead of Labour, who astonishingly still managed to come second-place.

The Tories, who previously held the seat, trailed in third on 447. As we said, the Lib Dems came last with 69 votes and were even thumped by the Greens on 121.

Hazel racked up a vote share of 48.4%, with Labour on 24.5%, the Tories on 19%, the Greens on 5.1%, and the Lib Dems on 2.9%.

A total of 2,352 votes were cast. The turnout was 27.16%.

Hazel also joins Barrow Town Council — dominated by a Labour cult — after winning a seat on there too.

On the Town Council, she polled 656 votes to Labour’s 332, with the Conservatives on 270. That’s a majority of 324 and she polled more votes than her rivals combined.

A total of 1,258 peeps voted, for a turnout of 30.16%.

Spies tell the Chronic that out-of-favour local media, were sent packing from Barrow Town Hall in the wee small hours.

Hazel, resplendent in teal, gave the rubber ear to a waiting Churnalist who had hung around way past his bedtime in the hope of a cosy chat when the result dropped circa 1am.

In the run-up to the election, the Evening Snail developed a curious fixation about her age, going to great pains to spell out to readers that she had “refused” to disclose it.

Then, in the days before the vote, the alleged former newspaper seized on the faux outrage being whipped up on social media about Hazel’s campaign photographs merely having had the background changed to a standard street scene to remove a business name.

Political rabies sufferers foaming at the mouth on Facebook seemed to regard this simple photo fix as somehow worse than Watergate.

Typically, The Snail jumped in with its size tens and ran off to the Labour candidate for some solemn tut-tutting about fakery, despite the paper itself openly embracing AI in the newsroom. It was followed up by the BBC.

Voters, it seems, didn’t buy it.

Par for the course these days with the Evening Snail and the Beeb!

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