CRUMBRIA: 1.7.2026.
THE Chronic tonight gives a slow hand clap to Labour-daft Crumberland Council.
After three years with its head firmly in the clouds, the Clowncil is finally grasping the nettle.
Faced with financial apocalypse and £95 million of cuts, bosses have finally woken up to the idea of taking a long, cold look at what the Council should be doing — and, more importantly, what it shouldn’t be doing.
The order coming down from the top is clear.
“Reduce, reshape or stop” — the Council’s words, not ours.
There are basically two piles of Council spending: the stuff they LEGALLY have to do, and the PET POLITICAL PROJECTS they love to spaff your money on.
In Town Hall speak, that means “statutory” or “discretionary”.
Word is that a bonfire of the discretionary is on the way.
The Chronic tonight is also in a generous mood towards the News & Shrug, Carlisle.
The tanking tabloid was awake long enough at the Council meeting to catch bosses openly admitting that they have to find £60 million over the next three years.
To our mind, that’s the FIRST time this fizzing stick of financial dynamite has rolled out of the Council chamber and into the open.
Add in the £35m of savings required this year and the total becomes £95m.
Funny how the Council’s Chief Executive announced just last week that now is the “right time” to do one.
(Read our exclusive last week: COUNCIL BOSS CALLS IT A DAY.
Unusually, the Council’s rent-a-quote Labour representatives — who would have sprinted to their favourite local hacks gnashing their teeth about “Cruel Tory austerity” — have had not one word of protest about the Council’s bleak financial picture.
Obedient party cult members sitting in Wokeington yesterday merely “noted” the situation — because when Labour is in Government and holding the Town Hall purse strings, austerity magically becomes “difficult choices”.
A bloodbath must be coming.
Labour-daft Crumberland is just deciding what to chop off first — its arms, its legs or its own ball sack.
Either way in three years, the Council will be UNRECOGNISABLE if they follow through.
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